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Post by LUCIFER AUDITORE DE FIRENZE on Feb 1, 2011 16:36:02 GMT -8
The feeling was so horribly hollow that he wanted to tear his chest open just to put something in, because the feeling of “emptiness” was something that he hated. It was something he hated as much as he hated lies and lying, as much as he hated seeing Aspen cry. And apparently, he was making this hard for her, because she was crying right now and it was all his fault. It was also all his fault that she was hunched over with tears streaming down her face. He was…really good at making her cry, wasn’t he? He was a horrible, horrible person for making her cry, and twice in less than twenty-four hours, too. But what she said was true. He hated lying, and she had told him her biggest lie, except…it wasn’t really all that big of a lie. His was bigger. He shouldn’t even be here, period.
And yet her lie, he decided, was worse, because at least he had had someone that cared about his existence, no matter that his existence was one of the worst things to ever blossom within the walls of Arcis. So, that didn’t really make it a lie, did it? No…just a…horribly inconvenient part of her history that he’d never known. And yet – and yet – was it a lie? It was, if he looked at it in a different perspective. She had lied about being “happy”, about just going to the store that day, about not being depressed. He had known that her father was a horrible person, but he had had no idea that he wouldn’t even care about his own daughter, wouldn’t help her when she needed it the most. But the lie – the part he hadn’t known – it didn’t matter, did it? Because she had told him now, and that was what mattered. It wasn’t as if she had been lying to him her whole entire life. It wasn’t as if she was taking this to the grave with her.
Watching her cry was terribly heart-wrenching, so after a few moments he raised his hand, and reached forward, carefully placing it on her shoulder again because the first time he had done this the response had been favourable. “Don’t cry,” he muttered, not liking it, not liking it at all. He should have never been born anyway, so she shouldn’t cry. But on the other hand, if he hadn’t been born, then Aspen would have gone through with it anyway, would have bought the pills because he wasn’t there to “save” her and – he pushed the thoughts away, his throat closing up at the thought. It didn’t matter, thinking of what was and what could have been. There was just “now”. “Mine is worse.” His lie, his existence was void. This was his chance, and he was saying it now because he felt as if he didn’t speak now, while the opportunity presented itself, he would never say it to her.
He had thought for the longest time that Aspen finding out about him would be the worst thing in the entire world. But now he had to tell her, because she had told him her biggest lie, and it wouldn’t be fair if he didn’t tell her his. In addition, it was a lie, plain and simple, and he loathed lies. Leaning forward, until his lips were at her ear, whispering because he was paranoid and maybe a little bit unhinged, he finally said the words that he thought he had never wanted to say. “I’m a Remnant.” As soon as the words were out, regretted them, wanted to take them back because he wasn’t sure how she would react, wasn’t certain if now was “right” or “not”, but he had said them, and now there was only the present.
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Post by ASPEN CHAO MARTINEAU on Feb 1, 2011 18:41:25 GMT -8
 my heart keeps beating like a hammer !Aspen tried to stop the tears when Lucifer had told not to cry. He was right, she shouldn't cry, she was probably just making him feel much more worse, but she couldn't help it. Her eyes seemed to have a mind of their own and just kept crying and crying. Only until he placed his hand on her shoulder was she able to find the courage to stop crying and look up at him. Now, she wasn't worried about her appearance. No, not at all. Right now the only thing she needed to concentrate on was Lucifer. This might be hard for her, but for all she knew, it could be hell for him. She needed to be strong, she just needed to be.
At first she was a bit surprised when he decided to lean forward and moved back a bit, regretting the move. She should show that she trusted him, not that she was scared. Anyways, what was to be feared of anymore? She almost killed herself, she cut herself and she just told her biggest secret to the person she cared about most. So she listened to him, waiting for the words to register in her head, already feeling his breath but not his words. Once she heard them, she was shocked, that much she can say. Her brown eyes opened slightly and she looked at him, though not turning her head. Merely looking out of the corner of her eye.
He was a...Remnant? But he was so nice, he was so calm, so...human. How could he be a Remnant? Weren't Remnants horrible creatures that roamed the surface world, only rarely sneaking into Acris. They...they killed people, they ate them, but... She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. No use denying it. She knew he'd never lie, and never something like this, either. She just had to accept it, like the person she was. She needed to, for him. If this was his big secret -like suicide had been her's- then she shouldn't make him feel bad, she should accept him.
She hugged him again, like last night. He needed a hug, that's what she thought. her arms wrapped around his chest, she lightly stroked his back. "It's alright," she said. There was no reason to see him different, she realized. If he truly was a Remnant this entire time, why would her knowlage of him being different change him? No, he was still the same. He was still the nice guy she knew him to be (though he wasn't as nice to others...) and because he was different didn't mean he's not the same person.
She held the hug for what seemed like forever before finally letting go and looking at him with a smile. "Don't worry," she said, saying the words she knew she wanted him to say to her when she confessed. Maybe he wanted them too. "You're still Lucifer, who saved my life and that will never change," she said.
She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, the room seemed to spin, but stopped as she put her fingers to her forehead. Stress, she wondered, or maybe lack of stress? She lived with stress for years, hiding her secret, maybe her body was so used to it that it wasn't used to it being gone. Or maybe it was her crying.
"I feel dizzy," she said, placing her head on his shoulder.
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Post by LUCIFER AUDITORE DE FIRENZE on Feb 2, 2011 1:13:47 GMT -8
The words were out, except he wanted to take them back, except he couldn't because they were already out and there was nothing he could do. Perhaps this hadn't been the best position that he could choose – this close to her, she could easily hit him or otherwise incapacitate him, because that was what humans usually did to Remnants. They hit them until they stopped moving. Either that or reported them to some higher authority, which would ultimately end in the same manner anyway. It was hard to envision Aspen hitting anyone, but the image still came to mind, even so. The worst thing was that she wouldn’t smile at him anymore – she would hate him, surely, and after smacking him up the head, she would leave and never ever come back, and then he would never see her, and she would never smile at him again, and she would hate him, and it would be just the same as if he had never met her at all. Except he had met her, so it wouldn’t be the same, and it hurt and very suddenly he was scared.
The mere fact that he had told her that he was a Remnant at all had managed to delay his own reaction somewhat; but now his blood was turning to ice in his veins, his head was spinning, and his throat felt so horribly constricted that he had to wonder how he was still breathing at all. He had told her, and now he was afraid of her reaction – should have gauged it, thought about it earlier, but Lucifer wasn’t the type of person that thought things through. And, since the “secret” had directly concerned him, and telling Aspen, he had thought even less about it, mostly because of the dullness of having heard that she had wanted to kill herself – kill herself kill herself kill herself, his throat compressed into itself even more and he – no, no. He was not important in this situation. He could not think of himself. “Aspen” was more important, because she had told him about being depressed, about hurting herself because she was depressed, and now that he had effectively told her that he shouldn’t even be alive, only her response mattered. And he knew her response, knew what it would be, and suddenly he realized that he was shaking slightly, from nerves or paranoia or something else that he didn’t want to name.
When he felt her arms around him, he resisted the urge to flinch, resisted the urge to run as far away from the room as possible, even though he wanted to. If she wanted to choke him, that was fine – she would actually be doing the city of Arcis a service. And it wasn’t as if he could push her away; it was impossible for him to do so, not because he couldn’t, but because this was Aspen, and if he were to do something like that, he probably wouldn’t be able to live with himself.
He was shocked, to say the least, when, instead of choking or otherwise harming him, she pulled him into a hug, stroking his back. For several, long moments, he had no idea what he was supposed to do; his breath caught and he forgot how to breath. A second later found him sighing out the breath that he had unknowingly been holding in, and his arms wrapped around him, reciprocating the hug, shivering-shaking stopping. He didn’t know what this meant, but it felt nice, and whether or not she “accepted” him or not was yet to be seen. The pessimistic part of him knew that she wouldn’t accept him, knew that she would reject him and that this was just her way of gathering her bearings; but that other, horrible part of him, the one that believed in happy endings, wanted to believe in just that: that she would “accept” him, not care that he was a Remnant just like he didn’t care that she had tried to kill herself (of course he cared, but it didn’t make him hate her, now did it?).
When she pulled away and finally spoke, finally said the words that would make or break him (inevitably break him, of course) he was startled when they – did neither of them. He didn’t know whether she hated him or not. But she was smiling, so that was good, and she said that he was still the one that had saved her and that that would never change. But there was still a ninety percent chance that she would up and tell someone – and yet – what was he doing? Being suspicious of Aspen didn’t make any sense, because Aspen was Aspen and…it just had no logical grounds. As she laid her head on his shoulder, he felt himself stiffen slightly again, before slowly relaxing. “It’s okay,” he said, bringing up one of his hands to rest gently, slightly awkwardly on her head, the gesture meant to be more comforting than anything else.
It really was okay, because Lucifer would make sure that nothing happened to her, and now that the possible meaning of her words was dawning on him, he wasn’t sure he had ever been as happy or content in his entire life. She “accepted” him, and that meant that she didn’t care that he was a Remnant, and that meant that she still liked him no matter what he was. Perhaps the entire dilemma could rest in peace.
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